Updated: May 28
”So you're a MILF then?” He was a German guy, late 20's maybe early 30’s.
He had approached me in Coles to tell me I looked nice and to say hello. A ballsy move for a sober guy, I’ll credit him that.
I told him “I’m a busy single mother of two, so the concept ‘spare time’ is laughable to me”. I thought it would scare him away, but he simply replied ”So you're a MILF then?”
”Ahhhh, I guess so?” I suppose so....? I mean, you would call me a 'MILF' as opposed to 'Yummy Mummy' which I think refers to my younger mumma counter parts. Right?
Here's a few ways Sex Working MILFs may operate differently (or not) from other sex workers.
Our Bodies Are Imperfect
Or as one beautiful client would say 'Imperfectly Perfect'.
I fared pretty well post pregnancy in various departments. Despite people thinking I was carrying twins my belly remains stretch mark free - and I eventually lost any additional weight. But this isn't the case for many MILFs.
Many of us bare reminders that our bodies were different prior to bringing life into this world.... Scars from tearing, c-section or psychological scars from traumatic birth, our bodies and (maybe our self esteems) that never really snapped back to their pre-pregnancy shape..... Or for women, like myself, who were able to breast feed.... Breasts that never returned to their former glory. Sigh.
Whatever imperfection a MILF may sport, those imperfections and how they came about should be appreciated and above all, respected.
Most MILF's Are Time Poor
Time, particularly 'spare' time is a rare and precious commodity for the busy MILF. Perhaps like her limited availability.
I get it, everyone is busy.... and I’m certainly no stranger to a busy life prior to children... BUT since becoming a MILF, my list of things to do, or places to be have become never, ever, ever, ending... sometimes to the point of over whelming.
It's true many clients are an absolute dream to spend time with and it's easy to go over time chatting post booking (as this sometimes does happen)... But when a MILF considers that going over means she won't get time to go to the grocery store before school pick up, prep dinner, or fill out that application for that new private school...
It means she needs to find the time to do that all that, and more with children under foot, which in many cases is a whole lot more hassle. It’s either that or deal with the consequences of not getting things done. Eeep.
Whatever the circumstance, it comes down to being responsible with our time.
Do I ever give clients extra time? Absolutely, and ‘Bond Girl Allies’ know how that works. I think it's important to understand any extra time a MILF provides a client (or any SW for that matter) has been most generously given, but potentially at some kind of cost to her.
MILFs Can Be Bossy In The Bedroom
MILFs aren't backwards in being forwards. This is something that I believe happens to all women as they pass through their 30’s and head for 40 - probably regardless of if they are a MILF or not. And the bedroom is no exception.
You can totally trust a MILF to guide you to touch her exactly how she likes to be touched. She will tell you to kiss her if that is what she wants. Yes, she's going to want to get off, and very likely to show you, Sir.
A MILF may also pull you up quick smart if you do something she doesn't appreciate, or that turns her off... I don't know, like, say for example ... putting your hands over her wind pipe!
In the bedroom a MILFs priority is not only you... but also her, because MILFs are veterans in the bedroom and know the vast majority of men get off, on getting their partner off.
God bless these sweet, sweet men.
MILFs Are Organised
Ever heard the saying 'If you want something done, give it to a busy Mum'? 100% if you let a busy MILF all over something she wishes to make a priority, you can consider it done.
Just like how you can always expect a reply to your text or email, as well as clean sheets, a fresh towel, a clean apartment, beautiful lingerie.... Not to mention an organised MILF will always be where she says she will be and do what she says she is going to... Because, Mums get it done. (Sorry Dads!)
Discretion is Paramount
I don’t think any sex working MILF likes the idea of her young children, or more so the father of her children finding out about her side hustle. I would say this is in particular, if said MILF is a little more on the conservative side, outside her life of sex work, and of course operates face in.
Therefore discretion is of utmost priority to the SW MILF.
MILFs Will Not Engage
Any parent spends a great deal of time and energy negotiating with their emotionally not yet matured offspring about the most ridiculous things, such as but not limited to: the importance of getting into a car seat in a timely manner and wearing a seat belt. You know, so we are on time and in case of an accident they don't fly through the bloody wind screen.
Therefore, the MILFs tolerance level for less than desirable behaviour from actual grown ups such as would be clients (haggling) or current clients (possessiveness / boundary pushing) - is very, very low.
A MILF simply doesn't have the time, inclination or energy to engage, she will deal with situations swiftly or in many cases ignore... As she knows all time and energy is better preserved for more challenging (children) and rewarding (children or valued client) experiences :)
Sex Work Is A Whole Other Exciting Life For Us
How can it not be? Perhaps I speak for myself as a MILF here, but I spend the majority of my time in leggings, a t-shirt and sneakers with a bare face and half up messy bun. On any typical day I'm chasing my tail (and children around)... All. Day. Long. While trying to manage a business (admin/ marketing of Ms Bond and other projects) and also navigate a messy divorce... When you add to it, that my children are mostly too young to appreciate all I do for them... Well you can imagine what a day in the "other" life of Yvette Bond is like, right?
Now consider coming to work and spending time with gents who typically make you and your pleasure their focus, and then go and show you appreciation for this, either by returning to you as a repeat client, writing a testimonial, bringing special gifts or simply sending a thank you message afterwards..... Throw in a visit to Perth’s 5 star hotels and best restaurants here and there.... Is it any wonder the lure of sex work is a little more exciting than folding a never pile of washing a home? :)
Im not saying that these points don’t apply to other sex workers, I think many points would cross over... But it would be improper for me to speak on their behalf.
And in case you‘re wondering what happened with the young German lad who was brave enough to approach this MILF in Coles?
Nothing... Although easy on the eye, and very sweet, this MILF didn’t have the time to continue ‘chit chat’ mid shop while he plucked up the courage to ask for my number.
As we have already discussed... MILFS are short on time and I had to get on with my day 💋
But before I go, here are some of my favourite Sex Working MILF's on Twitter (that I know are MILF's and I think are fab) xx
Agent Yvette Bond 0069 aka your MILF